you give my butterflies…… but not even in a cute way anymore talking to you gives me anxiety and I’m terrified about everything I say I’m so dumb
I DONT WANT TO BE IN SCHOOL I WANT TO BE IN A BAND
There definitely needs to be more miscarriage awareness, some people just have no idea what a miscarriage consists of and how deeply it can affect someone, if you have never been through it then don’t question people’s way of dealing with it, its none of your business
You are loving and grieving
over a foundation of flesh you’ve yet to meet.
It is through death that we become aware we exist;
how flimsy existence ties its promises.
You worried the potential of loss would be cradled in your arms,
but you found it vulnerably looped in your womb.
You’ve spent the past few weeks cursing the hens,
and the back pains that numbed your legs, the cramps that formed your guilt.
“I am sorry I failed to birth our merged reflections.”
You weep over a given that you could not give.
And he says, “It’s okay” and, “You are never to blame”
and, “We can try again when you’re ready.”
But will you ever be ready to hear the mockingbird of your body;
to ask your womb for the strength to carry what it couldn’t before?
You would never have imagined living in such a world
where death happens inside of you, but you’ve been living in it your entire life.
You share the world with the women who are unaware of the pregnancy and the loss,
the women who put scrapbooks together for her belly and her baby
and when she asks about the heartbeat she hides the scrapbook in a box
hoping to never come across it again.
Everything you have hoped for has been taken away by a pulse;
give yourself the time to grieve.
Your body is not meaningless; a gentle reminder will do —
The hands can carry, the feet can carry, the womb will carry too.
June 2, 2014
Mommy loves you more than you’ll ever realize and she promises to do her absolute best to give you everything she can.
June 3, 2014
You are such a blessing baby, nothing less.
June 4, 2014
Dreaming of your smile and the way your laugh is going to sound.
June 5, 2014
Baby please stop making Mommy so sick, I miss food.. all you like is chocolate.
June 6, 2014
Even though Daddy doesn’t want you to have his hair, I hope have bountiful curls.
June 7, 2014
Today I told Auntie Jeanneth about you, our pregnancies are only a few weeks apart. How sweet is that?
June 8, 2014
Mommy already gets teary-eyes at the thought of you graduating high school one day.
June 9, 2014
Daddy likes to rest his head on my belly, even though you’re only about an inch long right now. My sweet angel.
June 10, 2014
Knowing that your sweet heart now has all four chambers, and knowing that heart will keep you going for the rest of your beautiful life makes Mama so happy
June 11, 2014
Mommy graduated today and knowing I was experiencing that moment with you was bittersweet. I love you so much
June 12, 2014
Hi baby, I swear I thought I felt you today. I googled it to see if it’s possible and supposedly it is. So I’m rolling with it xoxo
June 13, 2014
Mommy and Daddy told Lola and Grandpa that we are expecting you today then we went to a rock concert, but left early because I was feeling sick.
June 14, 2014
I honestly cannot wait to kiss you, and bite your cheeks. I can only imagine how breathtaking you are.
June 15, 2014
Happy Father’s Day to Daddy, in these upcoming years you and I will be spoiling him, he deserves it.
June 16, 2014
Mommy started bleeding today, please stay with me little one. Tonight will be full of prayers.
June 17, 2014
Went to the doctors today and you’re still with me, thank the heavens. Love you. Ps. Thank you for letting me eat oatmeal without getting sick
June 18, 2014
Today has been a whirlwind went to the ER today. Thank god I haven’t lost you. I love you more than ice cream.
June 19, 2014
Your memories deserve to fill out this book and more. Please stay with me.
June 20, 2014
Begging to get the chance to love and nurture you the rest of your life.
June 21, 2014
I’m sorry, I wish I had the chance to give you everything. Mommy loves you more than everything. I’m sending all my love your direction baby. Please help give me the strength to keep going. My heart has never felt so broken. I will always be your Mother. I will celebrate you everyday. I wish I could have celebrated with you but life isn’t always fair. I hope you know how much I love you, and how I’ll never be able to eat chocolate ice cream without thinking of you. The short time we got to spend with you taught Daddy and I so much. We will carry you in our hearts for the rest of our lives, and one day it’ll be our chance to finally hold you.
You NEVER get over losing a baby.
You don’t get over it, you don’t let it go.
You just get used to that excruciating pain and hollow feeling in your heart.
It’s still there everyday, but becomes what’s normal for you.
It doesn’t matter if you had a kid before the loss, or have your rainbow after.
They don’t replace the loss of the life that was there. The loss of an individual baby who can never be replaced.
me: *petting a cat* nice
cat: *bathes self where i touched it*